


Death

by quinnfabs



Series: Friendship Writing Challenge [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death - Finn Hudson, Gen, Kurt Hummel-Centric, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 06:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2956205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnfabs/pseuds/quinnfabs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blaine passes away, Kurt thinks that love doesn't exist. His friends show him that love exists in many different forms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death

On the day of the funeral, Kurt is a mess. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing, doesn’t know who he’s supposed to be talking to. He just accepts hugs and kisses and good wishes blindly, not even sure who they’re coming from. All he can think about is how he’s never going to see Blaine again. How the love of his life is gone forever, and how he feels like he can’t breathe without him.

During the service, Kurt sits next to Mercedes, and grips her hand as tightly as possible. He knows that she understands how holding hands is the way the Kurt feels most comforted, but he doesn’t think she realizes how important this is to him, in this moment. He feels like he could drift away, his thoughts could take him far from here, but her hand in his makes him grounded, anchored, tethered to the real world. Her silent support is louder than any of the “I’m so sorry’s” he’s received, and nothing he says will convey that to her. So he just holds her hand, lets her comfort him.

***

Kurt stays over at Rachel’s house, unable to be alone, unable to fall asleep, when he asks, “How did you survive it?” She pauses for a second, wanting to make sure her answer is the right one, the one he needs to hear right now.

The silence lasts, and Kurt thinks it’s because everything just seems quieter now, like everything loud and bright got taken away from him along with Blaine. Kurt thinks about how he felt when he lost Finn. He lost a support system, his rock, his brother. It shattered his world in a way he never expected and he knew then he would never ever get over losing Finn. But if Finn was his superman then Blaine was his entire world; and this kind of shattering, this kind of heartbreak, he doesn’t think that recovery will ever be possible. There will always be a Finn-shaped hole in his heart, but what happens when he loses the person who was his heart? How can he ever get it back?

Rachel finally responds, with a sad smile, gripping his hand tightly, “You’ll realize, one day, that even though he was your soul mate, that you also have yourself to live for. That you have other soul mates, and maybe not in the way you expect.”

They don’t cry themselves to sleep that night, no. They watch Moulin Rouge and cry about other people’s lives for a change. They fall asleep holding each other, feeling a little bit lighter, knowing that at least they can be each other’s soul mate, for a while.

***

Kurt doesn’t step into their house for a month after Blaine dies. He stays anywhere else he can stay, doesn’t want to face looking at the furniture that they picked out together, that they planned together. That they argued over. The surfaces they kissed on, made love on.

When he finally does walk into the house after what feels like years, he’s met with unfamiliar smells, unfamiliar items. He walks in, confused, before he notices a note taped onto the fridge. The familiar scrawl of Sam’s messy handwriting makes him feel at ease. “I put all of his personal items in a storage unit. I’ll give you the details of it, if and when you want it. You can decide what to do with it all when you’re ready. Call me if you need anything,” the note reads, short and simple. Kurt feels so thankful, so blessed in that moment. It’s hard enough dealing with specifics of it all, the fact that something like this was taken care of, lets him breathe, if only for a moment.

He knows that Sam lost a best friend, knows that it must have been difficult for him to go through those things too, to look at Blaine’s items and sort through them.

He breathes in deeply for a moment and starts to dial Sam’s number. He won’t mention the house, won’t mention the items, he knows he doesn’t have to. He also knows that Sam’s gentle voice will curb the ache in his heart, if only for a little while.

***

One night, long after he’s moved to a new apartment, a smaller one, closer to his work, he feels like he’s being haunted, lying in bed by himself. All he can hear is Blaine’s laughter, feels the warmth of his touch when they would hold each other close in bed, and Kurt can’t take it. Can’t take the phantom feeling of Blaine’s fingertips on his body, not while knowing he’ll never feel that touch again. He gets out of his bedroom as quickly as possible, not bothering to change out of his pajamas. He leaves the apartment, and thinks about the house he used to live in. The house he was supposed to live in for the rest of his life with the man he loved. Warm tears spill down his face and he wonders, he wonders if he’ll ever feel normal again. If he’ll ever feel joy the way he used to, when it would spread deep in his bones and unravel a world of color and delight. He doesn’t think it’s possible, not while his heart is buried 6 feet under in a cemetery back in Ohio.

He wanders around in the darkness, not caring that it might be unsafe and it’s almost by muscle memory that he finds himself outside of Elliott’s door 20 minutes later. Breathing in sharply, he knocks on the door. Elliott opens the door, sleep rumpled, Kurt is ready to explain himself, explain how he can’t remember how to fall asleep without Blaine’s arms wrapped around him, that he can’t stand to be alone, that he’s so sorry for intruding but he wasn’t sure where else to go. All that comes out are tears that won’t stop. Kurt is thankful that Elliott doesn’t ask any questions, doesn’t look at him with pity, a look that he’s gotten so used to in these past few months. He’s beyond grateful for the way Elliott’s arms close around his waist, tightly, for the warmth it provides, even if it’s not the right kind.

Elliott brings Kurt back to his room and cuddles him close through the night. Tears slip down his face when Kurt finally falls asleep. He never imagined he could feel this kind of pain for another person, he never imagined that he’d have to witness one of his closest friends going through this kind of heartache. It breaks his heart, that this man, one who has spent his entire life loving those around him, has lost so many people close to him. He knows that he can’t fix everything for him, so he holds Kurt a little bit tighter, hoping that the touch conveys the words he can’t say.

When morning comes and Elliott is busy making Kurt’s favorite chocolate chip waffles, there is no indication of his tears from the night before. He pours two cups of coffee, and waits for Kurt to wake up, prepared to support him in any way he can.

***

Santana has a short new pixie cut, one that makes her feel edgier, more like the lawyer she is. She’s proud of the things she’s accomplished, proud of the fact that she finally has the love of her life by her side to experience it all. But when she hears about Blaine, that edginess fades, and her heart just aches. Brittany doesn’t want to believe it’s true, she refuses to accept it. And the both of them wish they knew what to say to Kurt, how to make it go away. But they don’t have the words, so they hug him, tell him that they will always be there for him. Kurt nods, thanks them. They don’t talk much after that, phone calls here and there. Lunch, when they’re all in town together. It’s not like it was before, they can’t go on double dates at the Karaoke place they used to love. They can’t tease each other for being disgustingly in love with their high school sweethearts. 

Kurt’s getting better though, now, he’s finally settled into his apartment, has been working on a brand new collection. He feels like he needs to have fun, and he knows that whenever he was with Santana and Britt, he always had fun. So when he’s on the phone with Santana and mentions how he wants to go dancing, she grins and says she knows the perfect place to take him. He doesn’t need to tell her that he’s not ready to get picked up by anyone, he doesn’t need to tell Britt that he’d rather just dance with the two of them. They both know.

They’re his protection, that night. From all the guys eyeing him up, from all the guys who look like they might approach him. Santana and Brit are always, always, there, to make sure that he gets that night of dancing that he deserves. They buy him the right number of drinks, so he’s buzzed and happy. They laugh and dance and twirl around and it feels like they’re back in college again, carefree and optimistic. When it comes time to go home, they go to Santana and Brittany’s house, and they sleep.

When Kurt wakes up the next morning in a bed that’s not his, he’s petrified for a moment. He can feel bile rising up in his throat as he frantically tries to remember if he went home with someone, if he was with someone. He notices familiar blonde hair, and the relief he feels is immediate. He twists around and sees Santana cuddled on his chest, and smiles, slowly. He takes a moment to breathe. Last night, he felt like a person again, he felt like himself. He was happy, he was getting there, again. When they’ve all woken up and Kurt’s getting ready to leave, he tries to thank them, tries to put into words how important last night was for him. They don’t let him, Brittany kisses him on the cheek, like she always does, and Santana holds his hand, for a second.

Kurt, on his way home, for the first time in so long, feels like he could fly. He feels the color in his life start to emerge again, because he sees how clear it is, even if the man who loved him, and the man he loved back, is gone, that there is still love in the world. All of the people that have helped him, all of the people that have held him close and said kind words. These people that he met, years and years and years ago, he could have never imagined loving them as much as he does now. They have each brought him color, brightness, and beauty in life again, and for that, he will always be thankful.


End file.
